In Which the Creature of Perpetual Worrying Comes to an Important Conclusion

I am, rather characteristically, still trying to decide how I feel about my “new” haircut. Is it “new” enough? Is it too new? Does it make my face look funny? Does it look too much like a mullet? (I don’t know why I think it looks like a mullet. It doesn’t. But at one point I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and the thought popped into my head, just like that, spontaneously, nothing reasonable about it, POP!, and now it keeps haunting me. I don't want to be the amazing mullet-girl)

Have given up trying to find myself a proper job for the semester. Why was this always so easy before? Anyhow, there shall be plenty of time for proper jobs. What I need is an improper job (which, please mark you, is not my way of euphemistically wishing I could become a dealer). And some wine. And to not be so lazy. I could be taking a Salsa class right now, but I’m curled up in a duvet on the rug instead, listening to the Dixie Chicks (no, I am not making the Dixie Chicks bit up).

The Salsa thing is funny. I thought, last week: “I’ve always wanted to Salsa!” so I headed across the river to the-place-where-I-go-to-pretend-I-could-someday-be-a-respectable-dancer (last year it was Ballet), shelled out $14, and swung my hips in what I hoped was a moderately sexy arc for an hour and a half. I had fun—although I didn’t like the uptight man with the white hair who I got partnered with at one point. He didn’t seem to understand that I was trying my hardest; he just thought (his grim face and exasperated eyes said) that I was trying. Despite that, I was going for a lackluster run earlier and decided that actually, what I’d rather do tonight: eat ice cream in front of the computer. Then curl up in a duvet on the rug. And look up Salsa classes that are slightly closer to my apartment. (So it goes, so it goes…)

I would say my greatest accomplishment of the day was going to (and completing with a reasonable amount of grace, I might add) the job interview, but actually I don’t feel particularly thrilled about it. I’ve moved on from the stage where getting through an interview fills me with visions of my glorious future (everyone gets through them, after all); and where doing grunt work for very little pay seems like a “great opportunity to learn”. I am, and I’m shocked to find myself thinking this (me, the perpetually-worrying-always-insecure creature!), better than that.

(Am now waiting, with baited breath, for lots of prospective employers to reach the same conclusion…which may not go so smoothly)

So my greatest accomplishment of the day is, perhaps, reaching that conclusion. And I’d say that’s not half-bad, considering what I can be like.